Have you heard the dog howling?

Since my littlest killer, Lizzie, has been relocated to her new home (where she gets paid for killing rodents) I have been able to let my big dog Sisi come and go as she pleases. Sisi always sleeps in the garage (don't worry she has a lovely twin bed in the shape of a heart and the floor is heated in the winter) as she is not trustworthy in the house plus she snores like a lumberjack. You might ask how I know what a lumberjack sounds like snoring... my answer is that my Auntie Ketty from Sweden told me that she snores like a lumberjack and I have heard her snore on several occasions giving me ample experience on what a lumberjack sounds like when they are snoring. Anyway, Sisi likes to sleep out on the front deck in Ruffels favorite foldaway chair. She will climb up in the chair, curl up and snore away... that is till she hears her friend Wille coyote start to yelp and howl. Then she will jump out of the chair and sit at the front step and start a slow deep moan from the pit of her bowels and continue this long drawn out howl till she ends in a rock star like bark. You know what I mean, Mick Jagger has a great line " 're ya havin' a good time?" and he says it all sexy and druggie like...same with Sisi's bark. I am sure that when Wille hears the bark at the end, the whole pack just stops dead in their tracks and thinks "Wow that sounded just like Mick Jagger barking". Sisi will do this a few times till Ruffel says to me (as it usually in the middle of the night or at least around 4 a.m.) "are you going to get up and tell that dog to shut up' to which I reply in lumberjack lingo " snort, snore, grunt... not fucking likely... can't you hear me sleeping" almost the same as the line from the Stones " Can't you hear me knocking?" Rock on Sisi, rock on.
Till next time... counting sheep for Wille
Cat x

MoJo

I have found the secret potion to make my baseball mojo stand at full attention. I was so pumped tonight for the game, I even hit the ball... decent hit that is... she almost missed catching it, but caught it, anyway, the point is I got that good crack sound out of the bat not that little ping that I usually get. A couple of hours before the game I was feeling really tired and didn't think that I would be able to gather up enough steam to get to the 8:30 start, that instead I would just rather go to bed. I really didn't want to let the team down by not showing up, in fact if I had not gone, the team would have had to forfeit the game. So I am sitting on the couch thinking what, what could I take that would get me going. AHA! espresso with steamed milk , sugar and cinnamon, yummy. I had two whole mugs and I still feel like I could run a marathon, and it is after 10 at night! I was smoking out there. I had the chatter going, I jogged in and out of the field, I ran, ran hard when I hit the ball and even had the power to give it a good "cut". Cut is a nice term for trying to nail the ball with all your might but missing it totally. But the "cut" was good. The girls were on the ball tonight too. We had good pitching and good throwing, much better than the one game where the bitch stepped in and cut me out. So, my plan is to start every game with a healthy dose of espresso and maybe even take a tank or two for the rest of the team... you never know, I might be onto something.
Till next time, cleaning out closets and pressing my underwear...
Cat x

Fathers Day

My generation has a different perspective on fathers’ than what I think the present generation has. In my day (gawd I sound old) the father was someone who you respected and tried to please. You feared him, adored him and tried to be very quiet around him. You would never dream of calling him by his first name, even if you knew it, and you knew you were in for it when your mother said “wait till your father gets home”. Dad was always the decision maker “ask your father” as my mother would say, unless it was something that was only going to cause father grief then it was a whispered, “ok, just don’t tell your father”. Dad was not to be bothered with trivial matters as he was too busy making a living for the family. Nowadays it is a different story. If there are two parents in the household they are usually both working. I hear dads’ being called by their first names all the time, maybe this is a good thing, maybe not. Respect seems to be a sorely missed pillar in today’s’ society. Whatever the changes, may all you Fathers’ enjoy your day. Here are some sayings to get you on your way.
He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland
It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller
A father carries pictures where his money used to be. ~Author Unknown
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Mark Twain, "Old Times on the Mississippi" Atlantic Monthly, 1874
Dad, you're someone to look up to no matter how tall I've grown. ~Author Unknown
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. ~Gloria Naylor
Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
And finally for all the baseball playing dads’ -
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. ~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968

Process of Elimination

Do you remember the story I told you about the dog killing the coon when the kids were frog catching? Remember that I said that the dog has probably dragged the body home and left it somewhere quiet and hidden till the stench factor has reached an all time high? Remember how I said all those things? Well, I was out cutting the grass when I noticed the body of a coon laying over by the hay bales. I mean, I think it was the same coon, hard to tell, all coon's look alike to me. Same black mask, ringed tail, you know what a coon looks like right? They are in the same category as zebra's, even though it is thought that no two zebras have the same stripes. I'd like to know who is charge of cataloging the stripes of all the zebras on the planet to make sure that no two are the same. If they find that there are two that are the same what would they do? Add an extra stripe somewhere when no-one is looking? Anyway, I digress. So I see this body laying there and think that I had better go and pick it up and put it in the incinerator (also know as the wood stove, outdoor wood stove that is). I go and find a shovel to pick up the remains, but as I go to pick up the coon, he rolls over. Not that he was alive (I say he, but I really don't know what sex it was) but that the distention of his body had rounded him somewhat. So I go at him a little harder and more aggressively with the shovel when to my utter disgust I nick his belly and it pops like a balloon! OMG! the body fluids and yellow stuff just flowed out like breaking the burnt sugar crust off a creme brule. The smell hit me like the wall of putrefaction that it was. I walked as fast as I dared to get the stinking mass of guts and brown fur to that wood stove. Thank goodness I had the wear with all to open the door before I had my hands full of shovel while trying really hard not to puke my own guts out. After I had shut the door I got to thinking... hmmmm.... that coon has been dead for about a week, it should have been really stiff, that body was not stiff... shit.... that means there must be another body out there somewhere. I guess I will just have to take a walk around and see if I can "sniff" it out.
Till next time... thinking of making egg salad sandwiches.
Cat x

An Ode of Thanks

On behalf of little H and myself I just want to say a big thank you to Dr. J. We both appreciate immensely the fact that you allow us to hang out at your clinic. J and L say thanks too. Your kindness and support does not go unnoticed, you are a true friend. So from all of us to you... thanks.

Till next time... collecting bones for you

Cat x

The Black Zone

What do you do when you are depressed or feeling a little down? Do you run for the chocolate or the booze? Maybe you have some recreational drugs hidden "just in case". Everyone needs a little something sometime to help them along. Me, I have a favorite movie that I like to watch when I feel like I need some comfort. I don't know why I like this particular movie, but when I watch it I feel good. The movie, in case you are wondering, is Pirates of the Caribbean. I mean the obvious thing about the movie is Johnny Depp. Well, not so much Johnny Depp for being Johnny Depp but more the character that he plays, Jack Sparrow. I mean, Jack can find his way out of any predicament. He trusts no-one and everyone at the same time. Trust is a big issue in my life, I tend to trust everyone and it always comes back to bite me in the ass. I guess I will just never learn. Anyway, Jack is some kinda dude. Whatever comes his way he brilliantly figures out a way to turn the situation around to his advantage. Then there is also the fact that the scenery is lovely, and hot. Heat is something that I need in my life. I hate being cold and never complain about the heat (humidity is a different story, although I do like some) and 32 C is quite heavenly thank you. That and all the water scenes, I mean, the call of the ocean is a sound I cannot ignore. Having been born in very close proximity to the sea (Malta is an island, and a little one at that) I think that the sea salt has been forever cast in my blood, either that or I was a pirate in a past life. Actually, I think it was more of having been a slave. I have a terrible fear of sharks and can bring myself to sensing exactly what it must feel like to be attacked and killed by a shark. This feeling is especially prevalent when I am in the shower covered with soap and cannot open my eyes without the soap burning my eyeballs out. I remember there was a James Bond movie where a bad guy used to get rid of some of his human "annoyances" by telling them to take the elevator up to the next floor of his empire. They would board the elevator and once the doors had closed, the floor of the elevator would open up and they would fall into a tank of hungry sharks while the villain watched on with glee. This has stuck in my mind for over 30 years - talk about a lasting impression. Another thing that I turn to when I am feeling crappy is the Rolling Stones. I mean if Mick can sing (in Satisfaction) " can't you see I'm on a losing streak" then I think that I should be able to deal with whatever shit comes my way. So to the Rolling Stones and Jack Sparrow I say thanks for making me feel better and helping me get through another crisis.
Till next time saying argghh matey, and singing .... but not in the shower
Cat x

Hate Baseball

Did I tell you how much I hate baseball. Oh, it's not the game itself or the fact that I haven't really hit any "great" balls, it is the fact that some women will turn into total bitches when it comes to getting the ball. Here I was all ready to grab the grounder that was coming right at me and the girl beside me swooped in and grabbed right out of my glove like a seagull on a castoff french fry. I was shocked that she would have done that, I had the fucking ball, it's not like I was going to miss it, it was coming straight at me, to my position. Jeepers, I hate baseball. Just when I got my own shirt with my own number and name on it, hmph, don't know if I will ever go out again. Shut down my career after 3 games.
Till next time, pissed off at the center fielder,
Cat x

Dead Raccoon

The kid had to do a science sort of project. It is all about habitat (like where the animals live, not the soup, oh, but that is habitant, never mind). He had been partnered up with a girl from his class, which is something new, usually he is partnered with the teacher to make sure that he gets the work done. Anyway, they were to get together at some point and take pictures of the habitat of their chosen animal. They had decided that they would do the frog (as I think 98% of the class did as well) and would come to our house and take pictures at the pond across the road. The weekend weather was typical, raining and looking at the world through oatmeal covered glasses (thick bloody fog yet again). Off they went with their nets to capture some frogs so they could get a pic worthy of National Geographic acclamations (the girl had her own camera). Sisi the black killer of a dog thought that she should go with them, and I thought that was a good idea, what with all the reports of bears and cougars in this area. Not only that, she would cross the road first and if there were any cars coming, they would hit her and not the kids, what with the oatmeal hanging in the air and all. It wasn't too long after that they came back, winded, from running with apprehension (not fear). Turns out black killer found a raccoon nest and dragged one of the babies (screaming at the top of it's little lungs no less, according to the eye witness's) and shook the thing to silence mode and proceeded to bring it home for me to pick up the scattered pieces at a later date (usually when the smell level reaches a critical high). The thing is, the kids weren't upset that the dog had killed a raccoon (they are both farm kids, and know what damage and mess raccoons are capable of) no, they were at a dead run to get home because of the fear that the mother would come out and seek revenge on their scrawny little chicken legs. Smart kids, get home before the teeth get you. Good news is they got their pictures before the killing took place and were quite pleased with the results. All in a days work at my place....
Till next time, making hats for Davey Crockett...
Cat xx

A Great Way To Die

I read an interesting article on Yahoo this evening. It states that after lots of scientific and medical studies, it has been determined by this group of individuals that Scotland is the sickest nation on the planet. Less than 2% of the population is healthy. The other 98% have at least 2 major life threatening ailments. The most common were heart problems and obesity. What would you expect from a nation that has built a world wide reputation on its choice of national beverage. The pub is the place of worship for most Scots as they gather round the pulpit (the bar) and feast on pork rinds washed down with copious amounts of beer and scotch. Don't get me wrong I love the Scots. I had a great time while in Scotland and found them to be a lovely friendly folk, well, except for that shop keeper in that wee town on the Loch, and then there was that waitress in the wee cafe where we had lunch one day. My sister asked where the lav was after we had had our lunch, to which the waitress replied " the facilities are for customers only" to which my sister said "we just had lunch here, so we are customers" to which the waitress said" you've paid your bill and you are finished eating, so you are no longer customers, you are past customers and your time here is over, thank you!" Bloody miserable biotch she was. My son had a great time in Scotland trying to keep up with the locals in the pub. The Stella could not run fast enough for him or the others at the bar. Not only is it the drinking habits of the Scots but also the food habits. If you have ever been to Scotland, or the UK for that matter, you will notice how much of their food is fried, as in deep fried. You go round the local chippy and you will find everything is available in the deep fried form. Mars bars (yes the chocolate sort) even hamburger patties are battered and deep fried. The usual fare of fish and chips as well as pasties and Indian curry dishes, all deep fried. Then there is the fried eggs and black pudding (don't ask what that is, you really don't want to know, well, OK, it involves oatmeal and blood). The hotel we stayed at in Oban supplied a breakfast with our room. Everything was fried in heavy oil and came floating out to our table. Mushrooms, tomatoes, eggs, even the bread was deep fried. My dad used to make a full English breakfast for us when I was a kid it was a Sunday treat. Bacon, the good thick kind, eggs, baked beans, sausage, tomatoes and fried bread. The bread was done last to soak up all the lovely bacon grease, hey, don't knock it till you try it. Just once though, as your arteries leading to the main chamber of your heart will only be able to handle it the one time! So should the Scots and the rest of the world be surprised at the findings of this study? Surely not. The only thing that I would say on it is, at least they are having a right jolly good old time killing themselves. I mean what is the point of living a life so dull and boring only to find yourself at the old age of 90 laying in hospital dying of nothing. I would rather live till 60 and have a blast going out. So I raise my glass to the Scots for having the reputation of being the sickest but the happiest group of people on the planet.
Till next time dipping my deep fried Mars bar in my glass of Scotch and tossing a caber in your direction...
Cat x

Do you remember Chernobyl

Have you ever watched the show Destination Truth? The host is a guy named
Josh whatthefuckwasthat Gates. He and his team of researchers travel around the world dispelling myths and looking for evidence to support said myths. It is the funniest show, not because of what they are doing but because of the way they do it. This guy Josh talks like a run on sentence, I mean, he never stops for a breath or uses any sort of pause for audience absorption. He is quite irritating to listen too. The way that he reacts to things is priceless. There is so much drama over what appears to be nothing. I'm not there so I don't know how scary some of these things really are. I just know that I would never wander around in the swamps (which are full of alligators... or is it crocodiles, I always get those two mixed up) in the middle of the night. There are too many dangers with snakes and spiders and all sorts of other real dangers, never mind the make believe ones he is looking for. However, he does go to some pretty neat places. Lately he has been to Egypt which looks totally cool. I would love to go there, but frankly I am a little nervous about going to the Middle East. Whenever I see pictures of the Valley of the Kings I think about Agatha Christie and her book Death on the Nile. I just loved Peter Ustinov as Hercule Poirot. So anyway, this Josh is there to spend the night in the tomb of King Tut, I won't tell you what happens, you will just have to watch that episode for yourself, but I will tell you that it is hilarious. Tonight's episode takes place in the Ukraine, at the epicentre of the Chernobyl disaster. I remember when Chernobyl happened, it was very scary and very horrific. The pictures of the devastation were scarce and as to the full story of what happened (being a Russian disaster and all what would we expect) we may never know. Josh and his crew travelled through all the road blocks and made it to the very tower that was the melt down point. It was so eerie, everything had been left exactly as it had been when the accident occurred. They went into a hospital and the book with the names of the patients was still sitting in the operating theatre. Instruments and all the operating gear was sitting right where it had been left. They also went into a school and same thing, lunch boxes were left sitting on the desks, there were children's toys laying on the floor just as if they had been dropped in hasty abandon,which they probably were. As they went through these buildings (dressed in radiation protection suits) there was the odd occurrence of thermal imaging (heat signatures left by wandering souls, not of this earth zone) and noises that could not be explained. It was so creepy seeing them all dressed in their suits and looking at the ghost town of this big city. They walked through a fair site with the Ferris wheel standing there, the games booths all just they had been 25 years earlier, it totally creeped me out to say the least. After that portion of the show they went back to Egypt to search for a huge dog/wolf type creature that had been attacking locals and half eating them (or so the claim was). Again they were out in the middle of the night searching for this creature of human desecration, again they were all scared shitless of the noises and bumps in the night. They captured sounds of growling (really scary) and a set of eyes staring at them. This time they were lucky to actually film the monster. Turns out it was the elusive Egyptian fox. About the same size as the North American fox, but obviously a little more aggressive than our version. Great show, can't wait to see what ghouly delights they search for tomorrow. Till next time, glowing green for you...
Cat x

It's just human nature... right?

I see and talk to a lot of people every day. I am always amazed at the way people have such different ways of looking at how things are. I'm not talking just political or religious views, but emotional perspectives as well. Then you throw in pride and you have a whole new ball of wax. There was a situation where a particular person wanted to have a lot of professional work done. It was work for animals (emotional side) that was not necessarily necessary (economic side) this person was given many chances to say, OK, let's just do what is important, but they chose (pride) to go all the way and go into debt for something they really can't afford. Why? I guess they feel that they have signed on for a commitment of looking after animals that they have to do what they think is necessary, even though a professional has told them otherwise. I have watched the show with the hoarders, people who have filled their houses with so much stuff they don't even know what they have in their house anymore. One lady even bought the house next door to her to store all her "stuff". Why? Have we all turned into such a lonely miserable society that we need to put all our emotional turmoil onto animals and filling our lives with crap that does not challenge us or recharge us or even (dare I say it) love us? Why is the human the only species on the planet that seem to have these problems (an interesting side note, humans are the only species that have sex just for the sake of having sex). I mean you never see a gorilla sitting next to a mammoth pile of bananas, just because he doesn't have someone to love or something to do. The pack will always make sure that every gorilla is accepted and part of the clan... people don't do this. The pack will always have something to do, like grooming, flying through the trees, or just hanging out. Humans however measure their success and failures on how much they have, or how many friends they have. Let's face it, we humans just make things too difficult to just enjoy life and all the simple pleasures that it has to offer. We really need to take a clue from the animal part of the planet and try to just hang out, enjoy swinging from the trees occasionally and only stockpile as many bananas as you can eat in one go.
Till next time, hanging with my own pack,
Cat x

Thought for the Day

A simple thought for this simple Monday-

The highest art is the art of living an ordinary life in an extraordinary manner.


Tibetan saying

The Tibetans' know what they are talking about. That is all I have to say today.

Till next time, donning my orange robe...
Cat x

Consistency

Consistency... there is more than one way to think of the meaning of this word. You can think of it in a positive and a negative fashion. I am going to use it in the negative version. Ruffel has a friend who consistently tries his patience. This person has no concept of time or regard for the time of others. His friend calls and says they will be right over and then doesn't show up for four frigging hours. They call and expect Ruffel to show up at the drop of a hat to move their equipment all over hells acres at their convenience not Ruffels. Thing is, while this consistently negative behavior affects Ruffel first most, it also affects me. I have to listen to Ruffel complain about this person and how inconsiderate they are, and how he has to sit around and wait for him to either show up or call. I don't blame Ruffel for being upset... I would be too. But there is one constant feature of this friend of Ruffel's ... he is consistent in his inconsiderate behavior. Till next time... hanging on by a thread of trepidation...
Cat x

Butter Knife, Please

As I said a little earlier, somewhere, to someone, that I would be going to the Legion after my baseball game on Friday night. I thought it would be fun to hang out with the new people on the team (I'm one of them) and get to know them. Turns out it was the group of girls going that I already know pretty well, that was fine, I'm up for a good time and laughs, no problem. What I was not up for was Karaoke. Why is it that when people have about 4 bottles of liquid courage pumped into them they want to start singing. I mean, if you can't hold a tune when you are sober, chances are you can't hold one when you are half in the bag. Now maybe I should reconsider that statement. I remember going to see Joe Cocker perform (in Ottawa) and his performance I am sure was alcohol (maybe drugs too) influenced. He has a great singing voice and I love to listen to him, watching him however was a little unsettling. He resembled someone who was having a fit in the insane asylum. He was stiff on one side and stumbly on the other. But I digress. So here I am sitting in a legion (not the most decoratively decorated decor) with a bunch of drunks ( my friends) and a bunch of other old drunks (not my friends, not even acquaintances) who all want to sing at the top of their lungs, totally out of key and with the stage presence of a snail. In other words, death by a butter knife would have been less painful. I was asked, even begged to get and sing, but I was not under the influence of liquid courage and had a terrible sore throat. Not only that I just didn't want to get up and make the rest of the "wannabes" realize that they had met their match... just joking... I do my best singing on the treadmill with my Ipod attached to my ears. Usually Ruffel and the kid are standing just in the wings laughing their heads off, or they have adjusted the volume on the television to jet engine decibels to drown out my crooning. Ah well, mama and papa never had enough dough to send me to singing classes, just as well, I never did like travelling via the greyhound travel system.
Till next time, holding the mike for you and keeping the beer flowing...
Cat x

The Kid's thinking

So the kid and I are always at logger heads. He's a stubborn bull headed Taurus and I am a Scorpio, enough said. Dinner time is one of the times that all hell can break loose and last night it did as usual. We got onto a discussion about summer camp and how I thought that it would be great for him to go away and have a week of fun with like minded kids such as he. Key word being "like minded". The kid has some issues which are not his fault but the direct result of his birth mothers habits ( not me). This special camp would have a counsellor for every 2 kids, which is great, lots of one on one fun and supervision. I thought it was a great idea. The kid not so happy about the prospect. First he asked if the "special" camp would be somewhere where someone who wore a leg brace could go. I thought to myself , now who does he know with a leg brace... ah, right the next door neighbours kid. Hmmm, answer, no. Then he got all gnarly with attitude about how come I didn't stop his birth mother from doing bad things when she was pregnant with him, so that then he wouldn't have to go to a "special" camp. I had to explain that I did not know his birth mother then or even now. This piqued his curiosity about how the adoption process works. He asked if it was like going to a big room and just picking out which kid you wanted. I said that no, it is a long process that you have to fill in lots of forms and then they (the people in charge of adoption) match you up with a kid they think is right for you. To this he promptly replies "Well, they got the match with the dad right, but not with the mother. Can we fill in some forms and send you back?" To this I just had to leave the table, thank god I had finished my salad. Of course Ruffel is never around when any of this stuff is going on, so I am left to try to deal with it as best I can. Hmm, so some people think kids are just so darn cute. I'd like them to spend some time in my world and my slippers.
Till next time, taking it on the chin, and looking for some new forms to fill in,
Cat x

I Just Wanna Know

The season of summer brings all sorts of extra work. There is the pool to open and get clear. The grass that seems to grow non stop. The weeds that seem to grow even faster. This is all fine, this is the pay off for the great weather, and I mean really after a long dull winter in the house it is great to get out and enjoy the sun and heat and fresh air. The only thing I don't understand is why at my house nothing works. I have a riding lawnmower that will not start unless you shove the screwdriver in just the right spot,which happens to be in very close proximity to where I have spilt gas (because the gas can I have to use does not thread properly so the gas leaks out, oh, we have about 8 of these kinds of gas cans) the flying sparks ignite a very real and very large fear in me. I mean, I have just managed to get my hair past my shoulders and I have no intention of burning it off! There is also the thought of making gardens and planting the odd tree. Here again comes into play the notion that although we have nine million dollars worth of heavy equipment around here (backhoe, skid steer, dump truck, tractors etc. etc) I have to dig a hole for anything that I want to do with a shovel... did I mention that we live on the escarpment, yep, every two and half inches you hit a rock. Very frustrating to say the least. Oh well, I guess I could look at it as my workout. I cut the three acres of lawn with a push mower... up hill both ways... in my father's pyjamas no less... so that has to be worth at least 800 calories gone. See, there is always a bright side to everything.
Till next time, pushing sunshine your way...
Cat x