A funny thing happened on the way home

Where I live, you can pretty much bank on everyone knowing everyone else or at least thinking that they know everyone else or even better, knowing something about everyone else. So when I tell you this story, remember that the names have been changed to protect the guilty, better yet I will tell no names. Russel and his good buddy went to a sale last weekend. Now this sale is one of those auction things where you can buy used equipment etc. in other words Russel's favorite kind of sale. So he and his good buddy spend the better part of the day at the sale. On their way out (to go home) there is a truck with a flat tire. They look and realize that they know the guys in the truck. Now around here there are rednecks and hillbilly's, there is a difference, and to call a redneck (who is proud to be a redneck) a hillbilly is an absolute no-no. This would be degrading to a redneck. Anyway, in this truck with the flat tire were the hillbilly's. So the rednecks (Russel and his best buddy) offer the hillbilly's a ride. They jump into the pickup (what else?) and slam the doors shut. The slamming of the doors drives Russel's' best buddy crazy, you should treat a truck with the respect that it deserves, hillbilly's just don't give trucks that respect. So off down the road they go, hee hawing and guffawing all down the way. Now, rednecks and hillbilly's do have something in common, they love to go on a tour. They drive all over the countryside looking at what all the other rednecks are doing and how they are doing it. Hillbilly's look but they don't quite understand what they are looking at or even why, but they will look anyway. This little tour brings the truck load of lookers into a little place called Angus (the g is silent). The tour truck went to Angus (the g is silent) because they all wanted to see how high the water was on the flood plain. Most people would stay away from flood plains in the spring, but rednecks being the inquisitive sort thought they better go have a look see. Well funny thing, there in the deep water was a good friend of theirs'. See this redneck had driven into (actually he is a Newfie redneck) the water thinking he could keep on going, but the water got into something that his car needed to keep dry in order to work, and once it got wet that was it.... dead in the water. So, here is the Newfie redneck with his fiance, stranded in the water. Well, rednecks like to take advantage of any down time to have a little koochie koo (if you get my drift) while waiting for help or better yet the beer truck to lose a case or two. Well, just about the time things got pretty hot and steamy in the dead car, up pulls the truck load of redneck/hillbilly sightseers, well they sure got a sight full. They waited till things quietened down a bit before yelling at the stranded lovers if they needed a hand... getting out of the water that is. The newfie said they had called a tow truck, but if they could pull them out then that would be better. Pretty soon everyone was on the road, but by now they had all worked up a thirst, especially the hot newfie lovers. Off to the newfies house they all went to have a couple of hundred beer and talk about the day that had been. Sitting in the newfies living room all ass cheek to ass cheek on the couch the rednecks lamented the fact that hillbilly's seem to get tanked a little faster than themselves, and yet how could that be? I don't know. Seems one of the hillbilly's called his wife to come and get him so he could get home and get rid of some of his pent up passion after the teasing from the newfie's fiance. By the time Russel got home he was in fine form, a great day of adventure (or just another day in the life) for my little redneck. Russel had told me that he would be home for dinner, he just forgot to tell me that he didn't want to eat till 11p.m. This is when I ask him "how come you weren't home for dinner like you said you would be?" and he says " a funny thing happened on the way home...."
You'd think after all these years I would have learned my lesson, that lesson being that when Russel heads out the door with his best buddy, you just never know what is going to happen, sometimes that is a saving grace.
Aristocratically yours,
Cat x