Wondering

Do you ever wonder where ideas come from? Like who thought of toilet paper? Did they just get tired of looking for burdock leaves? So the conversation might have been "Gladys, there are no burdock leaves in here... what the hell have you been doing all day?" Picture Gladys with eight kids in tow, and one hanging off her left breast running out of the stone kitchen to look for burdock leaves for Frank who is sitting in the little wooden house a few feet from the back door of their shack. Oh you might think that Gladys is running to get burdock leaves, but in my dream she is running to lock that shit house door from the outside and high tail it out of Dodge. I wonder if it was a woman who invented toilet paper? I will have to ask my friend Janice Crapper if her great grandfather, who invented the toilet also thought of toilet paper. Maybe the first toilet paper was the instruction booklet that came with the first indoor toilet. I can hear the men talking " well, crappers in, think I might have to try it out, shit, where do you keep the burdock leaves? Oh well, guess I'm finished with the instruction book, might as well use it" I remember going to my grandparents cottage in Sweden and they only had an outhouse and yes there was a book in there... not to read but an old catalogue to use as toilet paper. You could go to the unmentionables section and rip out your favorite picture of a pink bra and use it to wipe... well you know. My mother and father both had an aversion to talking about bodily functions and body parts for that matter. The grocery list would never say toilet paper, but would say instead TP, secret code for burdock leaves on a roll. The secret code word for ass was BT, stands for bottom. I had to wait till I was 18 to find that one out. I don't know why it was all so hush- hush and taboo, I mean every living thing on the planet has this bodily function, if it goes in it has to come out. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around and shot the shit about shit and toilet habits all day, actually I never talk about it - except here. So if you know who invented toilet paper I would like to hear from you. Also if you find out who invented the can opener let me know, I want to know what came first the can or the opener. Did Campbells put their soup in a can only to discover that there was no way to open them and had to wait for someone to come up with the idea? Or did someone invent an opener and wonder when someone would invent a can to open? Just letting you know how my mind works... or not.
Cashmerly yours,
Cat x